Saying that all trans people are in the “wrong bodies” flattens our experiences, bypassing the richness, beauty, and complexity of trans bodies, identities, and lives.

We tend to have the most fear around the things we don’t understand. There’s the fear of regretting transition, the reality of regretting transition/parts of transition, and of course, the cultural narrative of regret. Each of these is its own large, nuanced topic. But I find that when you understand the reality of regret and what it entails, the fear of regret diminishes.

Raise your hand if, when you have told another person (friend, parent, doctor, therapist, etc) that you wanted to get a gender affirming medical intervention, they told you that you might regret it. Bonus points if they brought up some other “person they know” who got a gender affirming medical procedure and then had to get it reversed at great expense, and/or deeply regretted it, etc.

This question is just three words, but the moment it arises in your body and mind for the first time, it can really pack a wallop. For many folks, asking this question represents a much longer journey. This often starts when something inspires us to start questioning things about ourselves, the way we show up in the world, how we feel, and what it all means.

Regardless of how you identify or what you think about gender, there is no doubt that it is a powerful force for many people, and often effects a great deal of how folks live their lives. Similarly, regardless of whether or not you believe in rituals, they appear to have a strong effect on those who use them. Perhaps, instead of approaching names and pronouns as a zero-sum game, we can instead honor our experiences and all that we carry with us through the medium of rituals.