What if no one is “Trans Enough”?

If there’s not a set-in-stone criteria for transness, some folks can feel a sense of loss, or wonder how various resources can be allocated without any sort of rules for who is and isn’t considered “trans.” But given where “trans enough” came from and how it’s been used, its pretty clear that the current criteria are, well…harmful. So how can we move forward?

Over the course of this series we’ve discussed the history behind the idea of “trans enough,” the way that this insidious idea is used by cis people to control trans people, and the ways that trans people have internalized this idea and used it against themselves and their fellow trans folks. However, for some folx, letting go of the idea of “trans enough” can feel pretty scary and/or bad. Gentle readers may feel that if there isn’t some cutoff for determining transness, then there are no rules to define who is and isn’t trans. And if there aren’t any rules about who is or isn’t trans, then how do we conceptualize community? How do we allocate resources? How do we know who is faking and who isn’t?

These questions go deep and touch on real, pressing issues. Knowing who is “in” your community, and who isn’t, can be a profoundly important survival skill when you struggle so much to find pockets of safety and acceptance in the world. And in a society where relatively little is allocated for the trans community, the idea of precious resources going to imposters is unbearably frustrating. There’s also the basic human need to belong, and in our modern capitalist/white supremacist/patriarchal society, we feel pressure to know who is “in” and who is “out” in any of our given communities. And yet, as I’ve demonstrated across multiple posts now, the idea that anyone or anything can be “trans enough” is born of cis foolishness and creates a lot of pain and suffering in our community. 

Trans Identities Are Self-Determined

After over 100 years of research, the most cutting edge, up to date information that medicine/academia/psychology/etc has on transgender identity, is that there is no objective measure of it. There is simply no test that can tell you if someone is trans, no gene, no measure or scale or diagnostic. There are plenty of ways for an individual to explore their gender, either on their own, with a professional gender doula such as myself, or with a licensed, gender affirming therapist…and yet, at the end of the day, the only person in the whole world who can definitely tell anyone that they are trans is that person themself. No cis person, no trans person, no one except you, yourself, can define your gender.

In my opinion, this is a good thing. It gives some modicum of control back to trans people ourselves. We get the opportunity to have our own journey, to find for ourselves what our gender means. We can decide when we will come out, who we will come out to, etc. In other words, trans identities inherently become a site of self-determination and agency. The fact that transgender identity can be determined only by the transgender person themself means that doctors and medical protocols can’t define or determine us. Our identities and the steps that we need to take to affirm them are up to us. 

Of course, there have been plenty of attempts to control this, and “trans enough” narratives and protocols represent one genre of such attempts. In the past, there have been various criteria and tests put forth, but eventually, all of them lacked validity and were abandoned. Other ways of gatekeeping have appeared, and I’m sure more will arise and abate over time. At the end of the day, though, regardless if you identify as male, female, genderqueer, neutrois, agender, bigender, non-binary, butch, stud, demigirl/demiboy, polygender, pangender, genderfluid, femme, androgyne, a label that is culturally specific for your background, such as two-spirit or travesti, or another label entirely, it is you yourself who decides what fits you and what doesn’t. 

Variety is Beautiful, and Also Challenging

The variety of labels and options under the trans umbrella can be exciting and liberating, but it can also be really challenging. Especially for QTBIPOC (Queer and Trans, Black and Indigenous and people of color), the words that have been created by and from and for white trans culture may not fit or feel right. Sometimes folks might need to try on a lot of labels before they find one that fits, sometimes a label that fits at one point may not fit at another, and sometimes, no labels fits at all. 

When I was first transitioning, I used the label “non-binary/masculine of center” because it was a way for me to explore the masculine without claiming a binary-male identity, which felt forbidden to me. I had internalized so much of what others said about my identity that claiming maleness gave me a lot of imposter syndrome. I felt like a fraud, like everyone would know I was faking it. I worried that maybe I was just trying to belong to somewhere, or claim some type of experience that didn’t belong to me. I absolutely did not feel “trans enough.” I actually identified as non-binary masc for several years before I got on hormones…and once on hormones, realized pretty quickly that I wanted more of that and I wanted it right away. I also realized that my reasons for not claiming my male identity were the result of internalized transphobia and self-hatred. I had every right to claim my identity, and doing so gave me tremendous relief!

I transitioned later in life - I was on the verge of turning 29 when I started T - and part of the reason why it took so long was because of all the messages I had internalized about how I simply was not trans enough. I had significant gender-based trauma, and I convinced myself that I only wanted to transition because of that. Like my trauma had made me hate my gender so much, I had to identify differently. I had to work through all of this very, very methodically before I could admit that no, my desire to transition was not based in trauma. Now this all seems clear to me, but at the time is was a massive source of confusion! Some people have more straightforward journeys than mine, and other people struggle longer to come into their own. I hope that by sharing even just these few details of my story, I can demonstrate that trans narratives are often complex and difficult. 

So How Can I Tell If I’m Trans?

I realize that saying there’s no real criteria doesn’t really make everyone feel better. Some folks really want that checklist that they can hit that will give them the definitive answer. I identify with that! If I had been able to use such a test or checklist and trust the results implicitly, it would have saved me a lot of time. I wish I could make it that easy! If there’s no “trans enough,” how do you know if you’re….well, trans? 

There are two major approaches that I have seen folks use—the presence of gender dysphoria, and the presence of gender euphoria. Now, this deserves at least a solid blog post of its own. But put briefly, trans people often notice one or both of these phenomena, even if they don’t know how to name them. The medical world has focused solely on gender dysphoria as an indicator of trans identity. I believe that this is a mistake. Those early patients of Magnus Hirschfeld’s talked about inhabiting their identities as a respite, a break, a “sanctuary.” They talked about how happy and free they felt when they presented as their authentic selves. While gender dysphoria is real and painful, gender euphoria has been largely ignored in professional realms, and it is just as important (maybe moreso) as an indicator of trans identity. 

Have you ever felt absolutely amazing in an item of clothing? Did someone call you by a gendered term that you’re not used to hearing, and you got a thrill of excitement? We associate the word “euphoria” with an intense state of joy, but many trans people may experience gender euphoria as a subtle emotion. If you’re curious about whether or not you experience gender euphoria, I recommend finding a trusted person and “practicing” with them. As a gender doula, I can create that safe space for you. But you can also go to a trusted person and ask them to try on different names and pronouns, or even just to witness you wearing various clothing items that feel good. Take careful note of how it feels. If you get a thrill, a zing, or any sensation of comfort or happiness, that is important information! When you locate the pleasure and the joy, you will have a point of comparison. As one example, if “she” feels bad and “he” feels meh, but “they” or “zie” feels exciting and interesting, thats worth looking in to! 

Conclusion

This has been a long series, but I hope that it has brought some awareness and some important information that you can refer back to over time. The messages of “trans enough” are extremely efficient ways to gaslight trans people, and to make us all feel bad and insecure. For some people, this idea has kept them from being able to transition or to inhabit the fullness of their identity. In reality, there is no “trans enough.” Trans identities are vast, and identity itself is fluid and a journey. There’s no point in gatekeeping others, or ourselves. There is no “trans enough.” Remember: using a binary to make the world make sense never really makes anything better. ;)